With Each Gentle Swell
They stood at the edge where the low tide sighed,
Heart full of questions, no safe place to hide.
Old waves had broken, their stories run through,
Leaving a shoreline with “now what?” and “who?”
Then one quiet ripple rose under their feet,
A small, steady current, courageous and sweet.
With each gentle swell, their new self took shape,
Riding life’s waves, with no fear to escape.
Wellspring Waves: The Cycles Within Life’s Tide
Within the long tide of a life, we go through ups and downs, which can be thought of as waves on the surface of the tide. In his seminal book “Transitions”, William Bridges describes the difference between life changes, such as a new job or a marriage, and life transitions, in which many things change in our lives at once, including our overall identity. Smaller life changes are usually part of a changing tide across a broader life stage, whereas transitions often mark a move from one life stage to another.
Many of us do indeed experience major life transitions in which many things change at once, often culminating in what is often described as a midlife crisis. These disruptive transitions are often result from chronically neglecting important areas of life over long periods of time or failing to gradually realign our lives with the person we are becoming. But it’s possible to move through these transitions more smoothly with less disruption by anticipating change and adjusting incrementally along the way. We can also navigate these transitions more smoothly by anticipating them, preparing for them, and making smaller adjustments over time rather than waiting for a major ending that demands a painful reinvention.
The WellBalance Model provides a framework and method for making smaller, less dramatic changes that allow our lives to evolve alongside us while building resilient wellbeing through diverse sources of meaning, connection, and support. Each “wellspring of wellbeing” within the WellBalance Model – our bodies, minds, relationships, and purpose – can go through cycles of repeating waves. These waves don’t always align with one another or with our age. A career may be cresting while a relationship erodes. Physical vitality may ebb while creativity and purpose surge. And sometimes the waves converge to crest and fall all at once.
Importantly, these waves can be forces that pass over us and can also carry us forward. When we understand their shape, we stop personalizing their movement as failure or loss, making it easier to see the opportunity ahead. Waves can differ in intensity. Some spill gently. Others plunge or collapse quickly. Some surge forward so fast they erode the ground beneath us. The intensity and shape of a wave usually reflect changing conditions, the weather of our lives, rather than our own weakness or imperfection.
The Four Stages of Every Wave
Like ocean waves, these “wellspring waves” typically play out in four recurring stages, whether the wave unfolds slowly or crashes suddenly.
The Trough: Exploring and Reorienting Early in life, this stage is exciting, with relatively low stakes. We explore, search, try, and learn. This can be the most creative phase, the moments when the next wave quietly begins to form. When we return to this stage later in life, often after loss, acceptance, and recovery, we may experience uncertainty, disorientation, a lack of structure or a loss of direction. But this is when our agency returns, if we have the courage to claim it, rebuilding our efficacy and self-worth as we shape a new life. Motivation returns as we begin the process of self-discovery and exploring new possibilities.
The Rising Flow: Choosing and Building At some point, after exploring options, we then begin to choose. Commitments form. Habits consolidate. Identity feels coherent again. Our energy increases as effort turns into momentum. This can be both an invigorating and stressful period, as life begins to take shape and we sometimes begin to take on more new obligations than we release. During this period, our focus shifts toward the future we are building. But growth also requires us to let go of the paths not taken and the versions of ourselves we did not become, so we can create space for the person we are still becoming.
The Crest: Enjoying and Sustaining When an area of our life begins to stabilize, we can enjoy what we have built and reinvest in maintaining it. Growth continues, and our identities continue to evolve, although often more subtly. This may be a time when we begin to focus on other parts of our lives that have been neglected for too long. During life’s crests, we need to guard against neglecting the areas of life that are already going well. This is often the stage when those investments matter most.
The Falling Ebb: Erosion and Loss This stage often begins slowly before accelerating. What once fit no longer does. Unless we continually recenter and adjust in small ways, the life our former self has built for us may no longer align with who we have become and are becoming. Sometimes external forces or events disrupt our lives. This decline, disruption, or fracture forces reckoning. Value-centered hope becomes essential, not as a denial of the pain and loss, but as an inner compass that keeps us oriented while the ground shifts beneath us.
This cycle of waves often repeats within and across different parts of our lives at different times. Although the ebb and trough can sometimes feel like failure, they are the natural price of growth and essential to our continual becoming.
When Waves Begin to Break, We Face a Choice
During falling waves, especially after abrupt losses, we face a defining choice. One path, usually our first instinct, is to “bounce back,” frantically reconstructing the life we just lost. After a relationship breakup, we rush into a new one. When we lose a job, we race to take the next one that comes our way. When we’re emotionally upset, we often try to minimize or smooth over the difficult feelings. When we fall off a horse, we get right back on it – sometimes only to fall off again. If our life falls off a cliff, we desperately grasp for any life-saving hand-hold, only to climb back up to the same treacherous cliff.
This response, grounded in fear, offers comfort and familiarity. Sometimes it is also the best, or even necessary, choice for preserving other important aspects of wellbeing, such as financial stability, family cohesion or the wellbeing of those we love. But by quickly restoring a version of life that still doesn’t fit who we are becoming, we set ourselves up for the same patterns that are likely to crest and fall again with a similar outcome.
The other path is to “leap forward” into rebuilding a life more aligned with who you’ve become. This requires uncertainty, patience, and often deep inner work. It requires us to move toward a future with hope and love. This may require an extended period of self-reflection, sometimes with intensive therapy and commitment to changing ingrained behaviors and thought patterns. This is a more difficult choice, as it accepts and even adds uncertainty at times when we most desperately crave stability. We may need to make major changes to our careers, relationships, long held habits, self beliefs, and other core aspects of both our inner identity and outward lives.
As we surf each wave, we need to keep our attention on the surface unfolding before us, leaning into the movement rather than fixating on the dangers below or the beauty above. We need to sense when to drop into the wave and ride it. Sometimes you need to cut back to avoid a wipeout; other times, you just need to go with the flow and cruise the wave, enjoying the ride. Preparation, clarity, and intention make the ride of life epic.
As with surfing, life requires us to face and overcome fear, up on a wobbly surface, and move towards what’s ahead. Rather than focusing on scarcity, especially when conditions aren’t great and good waves infrequent, we need to float patiently, soften our urgency and continue living in alignment with our values so we remain open to possibility and opportunities still to come. Sometimes we miss a good wave or catch one too soon when there’s a better one on the way. But growth requires grieving our old selves so new ones can emerge. Rather than holding on for the next perfect wave, we need to ride the waves life gives us, in whatever form they take, to become the best future version of ourselves.
Wellspring Waves Across the Domains of Life
This four-stage wave-like pattern occurs throughout our lives in each part of our life: exploring, building, sustaining, eroding, and renewal.
Body Waves often feel the most immediate and undeniable. Over time, our bodies move through cycles of learning, building, decline, and adaptation across movement, nutrition, and rest. Early in adolescence and adulthood, we experiment with habits and routines, learning how activity, food, and sleep affect our energy and mood. As we settle into what works for us, we build strength, fitness, and daily rhythms that support the life we are living. Movement becomes more consistent, nutrition more intentional, and rest more reliable. During these periods, the body feels capable and supportive, and we often take that stability for granted as long as it lasts.
Over time, every body enters periods of erosion or disruption. Injuries, illness, chronic conditions, weight gain, or sleep problems begin to interfere with what once felt automatic. Recovery takes longer, and effort yields less return. During these periods, we need to slow down and pay closer attention, shifting from pushing the body harder to listening more closely to what it needs. We relearn how to rest and recover, adapt movement, and nourish ourselves in ways that match our current capacity. Whether through gradual neglect or sudden injury, what follows usually isn’t a permanent decline but a return to exploration and regrowth – this time guided by experience and self-respect. Over a lifetime, physical wellbeing depends less on staying strong and more on repeatedly adjusting what we expect from and how we care for our bodies as they change.
Mind Waves shape how engaged, creative, and emotionally steady we feel as we move through life. At different times, we seek out learning, creative expression, and mentally stimulating experiences that fit our personality and curiosity. We read, write, analyze, explore new places, and expose ourselves to new ideas. As these activities take hold, we build cognitive skills, creative confidence, and a sense of mental vitality. Alongside this, many of us begin learning how to savor experiences, noticing beauty, meaning, and small pleasures rather than rushing past them. When life allows for it – or demands it – we develop reflective practices such as spirituality, gratitude, mindfulness, or meditation that bring clarity and serenity.
These mental capacities are sensitive to stress and circumstances. During demanding periods, creativity can dry up, curiosity can narrow, and calm reflection can give way to rumination, regret, anxiety or mental overload. Illness, loss, or prolonged stress can further disrupt our focus and emotional regulation, while later life may introduce concerns about cognitive slowing, disengagement, or simply boredom. If we neglect our mental wellbeing for too long, at any point in life, we will eventually burn out and lose the capacity to fully engage with life or work. These phases become less about productivity and more about maintenance and presence. We return to simple learning, brief moments of appreciation, and short reflective pauses that steady the mind. With patience, this reorientation can open the door to renewed curiosity and creativity, shaped less by striving or achievement and more by depth, meaning, and sustained mental wellness.
Social Waves shape our sense of belonging, support, and mattering, and they unfold across companionship, family, friendship, and community. At different points in life, we search for connection in different ways. We spend time with family, date, form partnerships, make friends, and seek out groups or communities where we feel seen and accepted. As these connections deepen, we invest time and care into building shared lives, routines, and histories. Romantic relationships move toward commitment, interdependence, and cohabitation. Friendships solidify through shared experiences and mutual support. Community involvement grows through family, work, or shared values and purpose. When these connections are tended, they provide emotional safety, encouragement, and a sense of being anchored in something larger than ourselves.
Over time, our social lives can also thin, fracture or shift. Relationships end through separation, divorce, conflict, distance, or death. Families grow and become harder to stay connected with. Friendships fade as responsibilities grow or lives diverge. Moves, career changes, or caregiving demands can disconnect us from communities that once felt like home. These losses often carry deep emotional weight, not only because of who or what is gone, but because our identities have been shaped through these bonds and must therefore evolve as well. Rebuilding social connections rarely happens quickly, but through small acts of reinvestment, reaching out, showing up, and allowing new forms of closeness to emerge. With intention and patience, connection can be restored, though it usually looks different than before – because we are different than before, and so are they.
WellBalance’s research has shown that relationship and parenting status play a powerful role in wellbeing. Being single, dating, partnered, married, divorced, or widowed each carries distinct emotional challenges and benefits. These findings align with broader research showing that stable, supportive, high-quality partnerships are associated with higher life satisfaction, emotional steadiness, and resilience, while high-conflict or disrupted relationships undermine wellbeing. Parenting has also been shown to elevate wellbeing, despite the increased caretaking burden. At the same time, people who are single, childless or rebuilding after loss can flourish when they maintain strong friendships, meaningful community ties, and a sense of purpose beyond partnership alone. Social wellbeing doesn’t depend on any single relationship, but on whether our connections, in whatever form they take, provide care, trust, belonging, and room to grow as we change.
Meaning Waves shape how we understand our work, our responsibilities to others, and our sense that our lives matter. Early on, meaning often centers on career direction and self-determination. We search for roles that align with our values, develop skills, and build credibility and recognition through contribution and effort. As these choices take hold, work becomes more than a paycheck. Our profession becomes a way for us to express our competence, care and responsibility toward others. Our careers and the communities they place us in become important sources of meaning and belonging. For many, this meaning is built through other roles, such as raising children, caring for aging parents, or committing to causes that require sustained presence within a community with shared purpose. Meaning deepens as we see the impact of our time and energy on people who depend on us.
Over time, this sense of purpose can be tested by change and loss. Careers stall or end through layoffs, burnout, technological disruption, or a growing sense of misalignment between our roles and our values. Caregiving roles also shift or come to an end. Children grow up and need us differently. These changes can disrupt our identity as much as our routines, leaving us feeling unmoored or uncertain about our value and place in the world. Rebuilding true meaning and believing we matter requires reflection and choice, not simply replacement or filling our calendar. Some people return to familiar roles, while others redefine contribution through mentoring, service, creative work, or renewed compassion toward themselves and others. As life progresses, purpose often shifts from proving worth to expressing values, from striving for achievement to contributing with intention. A resilient sense of meaning grows when we allow our roles to evolve with who we are becoming, rather than clinging to identities that no longer fit us.
Ikigai waves unify these life domains, reflecting how our abilities, interests, relationships, and sense of contribution periodically move into and out of alignment, along with the ways those qualities are recognized and rewarded. At certain points, the elements of your Ikigai – what you are good at, what energizes you, what others value, and what provides reliable income – begin to converge. These phases often follow periods of learning and experimentation, when skills sharpen, confidence grows, and trust-based relationships open doors to meaningful work. Effort feels worthwhile because it supports both purpose and financial stability. Physical energy sustains engagement, mental focus stays clear, and earning feels fair in relation to what you give. Life may still feel full or demanding, while carrying more coherence than strain.
Over time, this alignment can shift. Our abilities change, interests evolve, relationships rearrange, and economic conditions or organizational structures move on. Work that once felt meaningful may no longer sustain wellbeing, or compensation may no longer reflect the effort, skill, or care we invest. Our Ikigai can be disrupted by a job loss or burnout, or can emerge through a quieter realization that the exchange between our contribution and reward has gotten out of balance. These Ikigai waves require us to recalibrate, not just endure. Returning to exploration allows us to update and redirect our abilities, clarify our interests, reshape our networks, and find new ways to contribute and earn. Each cycle refines both our purpose and livelihood. To remain financially and purposefully well over the course of our lives, we need to stay flexible and adapt, not lock into a single role. As we restore alignment between what we offer, what we receive, and the life we are trying to sustain, our Ikigai begins to flourish again.
Surfing the Waves of Our Lives
Change rarely arrives at once. Smaller shifts in our bodies, minds, relationships, purpose, work, or other meaningful roles are constantly shaping the conditions of our lives. If we don’t pay attention to these changes along the way, they can accumulate into sudden, overwhelming transitions. What we often describe as a midlife crisis can appear to be a sudden collapse caused by forces outside our control. But these life disruptions are often just a delayed reckoning – the result of living too long in ways that no longer fit who we have become.
The WellBalance Model offers a way to stay oriented as these changes unfold. By regularly re-centering and making small, intentional adjustments across the different areas of life, we reduce the risk of catastrophic disruption and build resilience for the moments we cannot prevent. This ongoing process helps narrow the gap between our earlier selves, who once shaped our lives through past choices, and the person we are now becoming, allowing our lives to evolve alongside us.
The seas of life rarely stay calm. Sustaining balance requires recognizing where we are and where we are going across different areas of life, trusting that movement and even turbulence are natural. By cultivating enough breadth and flexibility to adapt with an open mind, we can remain upright when life’s waves begin to break. We can’t stop the tides and waves of life, but we can learn to read them, ride them, and recover when they shift. Sustainable wellbeing doesn’t come from controlling, but from skillfully navigating, the living, changing motion of our lives.
Reflections on Surfing Your Wellspring Waves
1. Your Body, the Vessel of Life
• When you look at your body right now, are you exploring, building, sustaining, or eroding? What signals are telling you that?
• If your body could ask for one specific adjustment in movement, rest, or nourishment, what would it be?
2. Your Mind, the Light of Life
• In your current life, does your mind feel curious and open, overloaded and foggy, or somewhere in between?
• Which simple practices, like brief pauses, gentle learning, or savoring small moments, help your mind feel clearer, and how could you weave more of those into ordinary days?
3. Your Relationships, the Love in Life
• Which relationships feel like they are rising, cresting, falling, or slowly rebuilding? What about your overall sense of belonging?
• What small act of reinvestment – reaching out, listening more fully, or having a hard conversation – can begin to restore or deepen connection in this season of your life?
4. Your Purpose, the Meaning in Life
• When you think about your work, caregiving, or other roles, do they currently feel aligned with your values or more like obligations you’re enduring?
• If you imagined your contribution shifting from “proving yourself” toward “offering what matters”, what might that look like in one real area of your life?
5. Your Ikigai, Alignment and Re-Alignment
• How aligned do your abilities, interests, relationships, and rewards – such as financial, intrinsic, belonging – feel right now?
• What is one way you could begin to re-align through learning, boundary‑setting, networking, or experimenting, that feels both meaningful and doable?
6. Riding Life’s Waves with Intention
• Looking across areas of your life, where are you most tempted to “bounce back” to an old pattern, and what might a “leap forward” look like instead?
• If you treated the next six months as a practice in surfing your life’s waves with more awareness, what is one small, steady change you would commit to for your future self?